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Joke's On Me (Demo)

by Lauren Drake

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about

This song took five years to write- the first half written at 17 and the second half at 22. I had totally forgotten about it for years- I wrote a full version, and lost it except for a video clip I posted on Instagram in 2018. But then one day, my mom started playing this familiar song in the car- she had downloaded an old iTunes file of the full song I had written at 17. I was so impressed by my own writing HAHA and very moved by what I had created. I thought the rest of the song was kind of repetitive, and the real good stuff was in the beginning. It was perfect that I mentioned my age in the song when I wrote it, so I could twist the lyrics and make them heartbreaking-ly apply to what I was feeling at 22. For a while I kept it pretty somber, but in reality- things aren't too bleak right now. At least I've gone through what I've gone through and made it out, and learned a thing or two along the way. Namely, in fact, that the joke is not on me when I can take what's happening and write a song about it.

Re: the album art... my very first guitar, and the one I have now. Kind of a symbolic, metaphoric, whatever... picture of growth.

lyrics

I got 17 years on me
A million fears keeping me from trying to make something that’ll mean something
It always feels like if I’m not falling apart, I’m standing still
Take a chance, I never will but
I got my brain and I’ve got my heart
And maybe it’s not a problem that I can’t tell them apart, anymore

They say live your truth, or just be you

But I don’t know who I’m gonna be
And the thought of living truthfully
Seems morally right but kinda terrifying
There’s possibilities laying at my feet
But I don’t know what’s worth chasing
Keep drawing up dreams then erasing
Versions of myself that I’ll keep replacing
With what feels safe, what seems right
How I think I should live my life
I guess I thought this part would be easy
Well, joke’s on me
Yeah we’re all laughing…

I got 22 years on me
A million fears kept me
From living up to everything I thought I could be
Am I still young now that I can look back on where I’ve failed
And only blame myself, well
Still got this brain, still got this heart
As the years have passed they’ve only gotten farther and farther apart
At seventeen you live in the stars
And after I’ve fallen and fallen apart
If she knew about the pain, would she love it all the same
Can I sing what I once believed?

They told me to live my truth
And just be you
Still don’t know who I’m gonna be
And the thought of living truthfully
Is morally right but fucking terrifying
The possibilities laying at my feet
Are what are left to keep chasing
But what if I stopped erasing
The dreams I had so long ago
And finally stopped being the butt of the joke
At seventeen thought that the joke was on me
At twenty two know that that’s not true
All I have is what I love
And if included myself in all of the above
Maybe I’d find what I’m looking for

credits

released January 21, 2023
Music, lyrics and recording by Lauren Drake

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Lauren Drake Seattle, Washington

Lauren Drake is a 22-year-old indie pop/folk singer-songwriter and actress who has been singing ever since she could talk. She is a highly contemplative and thoughtful young artist known for her powerful performances showcasing her versatile singing and composition style. She has released three singles, “play along,” “malibu,” and “okay.” Here you’ll find unreleased music: live, demos, and more. ... more

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